shame
Love it? Share the love...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someone

So I post this video on my personal page, which was then reposted to bodyrock.tv’s Facebook page and shit went crazy.  The girl in the video is an incredibly articulate 13 year old virgin (on youtube she says she realizes it’s an odd topic for her to be into as she is both 13 and a virgin.)  She is talking about slut shaming (women slamming other women for wearing skimpy clothes, having sex for pleasure or being rumored to have done so.)  She then links this behavior to being part of a larger problem in which we are systematically taught that sex is about men’s pleasure and that rape is caused by women’s promiscuity.

This is where things go bonkers.  You can see the comments here.

Grown ups, mostly women went crazy on the comment section about how deplorable it is for a 13 year old to even know what sex is.  Many voice their thoughts about the young girl’s probable sexual exploits (which pretty much proves her point).  And there are others who call her a silly know it all teenager who will “come to her senses” about this kind of thing when she’s more mature.

Come to her senses?!  So she will finally come around and realize that women who enjoy sex are filthy and should be hated.  She will also either agree that these filthy sex loving women cause rape or will no longer see the correlation between this nasty attitude toward other womens’ sexuality and our blame the victim attitudes toward rape in society.

I really need a whole book to cover the multitude of errors here.  The notion that pubescent youth aren’t thinking about or talking about sex ever is naive to say the least.  Regardless of what you plan to teach your children about sexuality, I do hope you realize that if you aren’t saying anything puberty is definitely a time they will be seeking some answers to their new feelings somewhere.  But as this girl is a virgin– lets please not blow up the comment section here about her inappropriate sexual appetite.  Thanks.

As a mother of a young girl, a victim of sexual assault and as a woman I am saddened by this deeply rooted hatred many women have for themselves, other women and their own bodies.  This is a short jump from the now infamous Victoria’s Secret post.

We hate our bodies = we hate other women’s bodies.

We are afraid of our own sexuality = we are terrified of other women’s sexuality.

We feel insecure that we aren’t measuring up to one ideal or another = we bash anyone who may be meeting that ideal more than us.

We call women who enjoy sex or express their sexuality in a different way than we ourselves would choose, sluts.  We call them filthy and immoral = we support the notion that this behavior is what somehow leads to sexual violence against women.

WE DON’T LIKE OURSELVES = WE DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER

To be clear I think the notion of waiting til marriage for sex is a beautiful thing.  If you plan to teach this to your children that is wonderful.  But regardless of what moral code you have for your own behavior, I would hope that same moral code would dictate respectful treatment of others.  And that the discourse in your household might include topics like respecting those who make different choices.

That said, women are sexual creatures.  Humans are sexual creatures.  I think it’s completely awesome if you dress conservatively and save yourself for marriage.  I think it’s awesome if you wear short skirts and enjoy sex.  And all the other possible combinations.  However you choose to express your sexuality that feels good to you, really has no impact on me.

But nooooo… not us gals.  We can’t seem to stop finding every reason under the sun to be insulted by one another’s existence.  This just adds to the list.

Too fat.  Too skinny.  Too promiscuous.  Too slutty looking.  Too outspoken.  Too bitchy.  Too muscular.  Too ugly.

A short list of the things we routinely call each other, mostly based on appearance and assumption.  Hell, a short list of things I’ve been called.  And at what cost?  We are so consumed with how we are “supposed” to look, be and behave that we must pick each other a part as well.  We pit ourselves against one another, standing in our respective corners talking shit.  It’s no fucking wonder we are a sociological minority- we’re too busy drawing lines and throwing stones to start a revolution.  One where we might benefit from equality.

And then when one of our young sisters posts a vlog about making responsible choices and respecting others- we call her naive and slutty.  When a women struggles with an eating disorder we ridicule her body, call her disgusting and tell her to go eat a cheeseburger.  When a woman chooses to have sex for pleasure the way plenty of men do, we call her a whore and tell her she deserves whatever mistreatment she receives.  And when one of our own is a victim of a violent sex crime, we want to know what did to cause to her attack.

But I also know we carry around all these stones because we’ve been throwing them in our own mirrors our whole lives.

We learned to hate each other as we learned to hate ourselves. The ridiculous “perfect body having, home-maker, career woman, perfect mother, supportive wife, educated but not too outspoken or opinionated, eternally young, sexual but not whorish, experienced but not ‘used up’, Madonna-whore, etiquette using, pushover” we are supposed to be, started it.  But honestly, fuck that.  There are a lot of ways to be one hell of a woman.  And none of us will ever accomplish the perfect blend of all the bullshit.

I’ve said it 1,000 times; like yourself enough to like each other.   It’s pretty remarkable  how hateful we can be to one another, a phenomenon that is only matched by how amazing it is when we are for each other.  You don’t have to agree with anyone else’s choices to respect their right to make them.  And for goodness sake you don’t have to spew hatred at others because of it either.

We will always fail to meet the impossible standards placed before us.  But we don’t have to fail each other.  We are on the same team.

xoxo, Mama

 

 

Love it? Share the love...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someone